A soon-to-be-ex-employee of Chrysler’s soon-to-be-ex-social-media-marketing firm accidentally borrowed the company’s Twitter feed for a personal rant, announcing to more than 7000 followers: “I find it ironic that Detroit is known as the Motor City and yet no one here knows how to f---ing drive.” They do know how to f---ing fire people, however.
Whilst on the subject of f-bombs, Jim Farley, Ford’s global sales manager, had this to say about his crosstown competition: “F--- GM! I hate them and their company and what they stand for. And I hate the way they’re succeeding.” With his steam up, he added, “I’m going to beat Chevrolet on the head with a bat. And I’m going to enjoy it.” Presumably, he didn’t enjoy later apologizing to GM marketing director Joel Ewanick.
Fellow Ford acolyte J Mays, vice-president of design, observed, “You have seen headlamps be round, and then they took on an oblong shape, and then they were shaped like a fried egg, and they have stretched out, and then they have grown and grown in every direction. Most of that style you see on a headlamp is just superfluous silliness.” The two square Chiclets that Mays put on the front of the Ford Five Hundred were, you gotta admit, neither superfluous nor silly.
Renault-Nissan CEO Carlos Ghosn was uncharacteristically unequivocal for a chief exec when he noted, “We must have zero-emission vehicles. Nothing else will prevent the world from exploding.” Really, nothing? Not double coupons at Safeway? Not even Bruce Willis in a wife-beater? We’re doomed.
LOSER: On March 11, the fifth-severest earthquake since the invention of the Richter scale dropped a portion of Japan’s northeast coast by two feet and shifted it 13 feet to the east, taking an estimated 15,000 to 20,000 lives in the shaking and subsequent tsunami, causing a domestic power crisis and an international radiation panic, and shutting down large swaths of the world’s third-largest industrial economy. The resulting shortage of cars bled out dealer lots and drove up used-car prices, while supplies of everything from microchips to alternators to paint dried up at car factories in Canada, Kentucky, and Mexico.
WINNER: Creative uses for the many bankrupt car dealerships dotting the landscape this year include a Hummer store in Grapevine, Texas, that became the indoor workout gym for the Dallas Cowboys after they were locked out of their regular gym in an NFL labor dust-up, and defunct Ford and Chevy-Buick dealerships in Arcata, California, which morphed into a couple of marijuana grow houses, plus a licensed medical pot dispensary (because you can do that in California). The former Chevy-Buick store alone produces roughly 20 pounds of weed every six weeks, priced at about $350 per ounce, less manufacturer rebates and incentives.
On the other side of the world, sales at Hussein Khafaji’s Baghdad Chrysler dealership picked up after he started calling his 300C models the “Obama.” Says Hussein: “People loved Obama and loved the car.” Since then, sales of Jeeps and other big cars have been steady, he says, because Iraqis, “whether they are for or against America, drive American cars.”
WINNER: While we’re on the subject of Camrys, Toyota spent millions to launch the new version of its perennial bestseller with a coast-to-coast party in late August but forgot to secure in advance the name “Camry” on Twitter. When Toyota tried, it found out that the name had been snapped up by none other than Nissan North America and that anyone searching Twitter for “Camry,” “Toyota Camry,” or “mid-sized car” during the launch got a blast of marketing bumf for Nissan products. Twitter sells exclusive use of search terms for 24 hours only, so the sweet tweet cheat was, alas, fleeting.
LOSER: With Japan’s Fukushima nuclear plant still smoldering, Germany’s anti-atomic Green Party swept elections in Porsche and Mercedes-Benz’s home state of Baden-Württemberg in March on a platform that included capping the speed limit on local autobahns at 75 mph to reduce tailpipe emissions. About 65 percent of the state’s autobahns are currently unrestricted. Daimler CEO Dieter Zetsche noted that Benzes sell globally because of their reputation for autobahn prowess. “We’re well-advised to maintain the autobahn sections that don’t have a speed limit,” he warned, forgetting to add that without wide-open highways, Germany becomes just another European country with starchy food and lousy weather.
